Cynthia W. Gentry's first article for 4play2nite.com, originally posted under the members only professionals blog area; reposted here for all to enjoy!
Published September 8, 2009
Why in the world would a man fake an orgasm?
Think women are the only ones who fake orgasms! Think again. In the survey I conducted for my book What Men Really Want in Bed, more than half of the men who responded admitted to having faked the Big O.
I know what you’re thinking: How is it possible for a man to fake an orgasm? The evidence (a.k.a. semen) is either there or not, right? Not necessarily. In the age of safe sex, it’s pretty easy for a guy to slip off a condom and throw it away with his partner being none the wiser.
Second question: Why in the world would a man fake an orgasm? Well, ladies, often for the same reasons you do. He’s tired (this is the reason that most of our survey respondents cited). He’s had too much to drink. He knows it’s not going to happen for whatever reason (antidepressants being a common villain). He just wants to get it over with. Sound familiar, ladies?
But at the heart of all these excuses is one simple fact: he doesn’t want to disappoint you or take the chance of hurting your feelings, especially when it’s assumed that men never have any problem climaxing. “Some women get ‘weird’ (i.e., have feelings of inferiority) when the male partner doesn’t’ come,” said Nigel, one of our survey respondents.
Ah, those expectations. I loved the term that Dr. Victoria Zdrok used in her article on women faking orgasms: “response anxiety,” the desire to respond in a way that your partner expects you to. Some poor men find themselves expected to orgasm not just once, but several times! “The time I faked it was during marathon sex and I couldn’t get one more,” said Rob, 45. “She really wanted to get it and I didn’t want to explain or for her to feel bad,” said Rob, 45.
That’s why I had to chuckle when I read Dr. Zdrok’s article. Not because I disagree with anything she said—on the contrary, I think she’s spot on. She’s exactly right when she says that faking it doesn’t help anyone. Whether you’re male or female, faking an orgasm misleads your partner—and you miss out on possible pleasure.
It also feeds into the misconception that in order for a sexual encounter to be “successful,” somebody has to have an orgasm (ideally both partners). Expectations are traps—so for God’s sake, let’s get rid of orgasm expectations! As Boris, 43, commented in my book, “I don’t always need to orgasm. If it isn’t going to happen, it’s fine. Sex is still enjoyable.” Ideally, sex is about intimacy—not orgasm.
What about you, men? Have you ever faked an orgasm, and if so, why and how?
Thanks for reading my first article for 4play2nite.com! You can read my bio here, but I do want to say outright that unlike some of my fellow professionals on this site, I don’t have any sort of medical degree. I consider myself a sex journalist who’s trying to explore and understand what makes people tick sexually. I look forward to talking with you!
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